Tuesday, December 29, 2009


This might be the most random, senseless update I've ever written... be forewarned! lol I also didn't proof it so... have fun =P

I spent the whole day following Laurie around, from mall to mall, store to store, fitting room to fitting room.
I was use to playing hockey games, bursting around the ice as fast as I could; throwing myself against grown men and pushing myself to the limit. That was nothing. That was easy.
Shopping with a woman… that was the true workout.

I groaned as Laurie appeared, dropping another shopping bag on me as I curled up on the mall’s bench. “Are you done yet?” I asked as I tucked myself tighter into the fetal position.

“Almost. God, you’re such a baby!” She laughed, turning around and walking away from me.

“Wife?” A man asked, flopping down on the bench that was leaning against the back of mine.

“No… no…” I laughed, finally sitting up and planting my feet on the floor amidst the pile of bags. “Just a friend.”

“Must be some friend if she’s got you waiting on a bench for her…” He grinned, shaking his head as he turned back around. “Married thirty years this august…” He explained after a minute, nodding towards a woman in the store in front of him. “Only reason she’s got me sitting her.”

“Guess that’s a reason.” I chuckled, turning back around in search of Laurie. “My friend’s a pretty special girl though… puts up with a lot.” I explained, stifling a yawn as we continued to chat back and forth.

I had gone over just about everything I could think of - pertaining to women - with my new pal Wyatt, by the time Laurie got back.
I said goodbye to him, scooping the bags up as I followed Laurie out of the mall. “Have a good night you too.” He called to me before we rounded the corner.

“What was that about?” She asked, walking a step in front of me.

I shrugged, grinning to myself. “Just an old guy waiting for his wife… we were talking about you guys…”

“About me and his wife?”

“Yah… and how some how we end up sitting on benches, waiting for you guys… now if that’s not love… I don’t know what is!” I laughed, almost bumping into her as she stopped walking.

“What did you just say?”


“What was love?” She asked, sounding slightly out of breath.

I crinkled my brow, confused. “I just said… that poor guy sitting out there waiting on a bench for thirty years… you don’t do that unless you’re in love.” I said slowly, replaying the last few minutes in my head.

“Oh…” She said quietly, turning around and continuing on her way. I followed after her, the bag handles leaving angry red lines in my arms as I trailed behind.

I came up the apartment stairs slowly, wondering what could possibly be making such a loud racket; it sounded like a pack of wild cats were fighting to the death.
“Laurie?” I asked timidly as I came up the last step and saw her standing in the middle of the hallway; hands on her hips.

She snapped her head towards me, her eyes bright with fury. “Get in my apartment. Now!”

I nodded, not bothering to argue with her, even when Alyssa appeared in the doorway of my apartment; glowering at me.
They exchanged a few more, indistinguishable - but heated - words as I closed Laurie’s door behind me.

I sat on the couch, perched as I imagined all the bad shit that was probably going down on the other side of the wall.
A man would go out there and face the music, admit that he was wrong and take the punishment. But I never said I was a man, and I wasn’t about to get yelled at when I had the option of safety.
Besides, Laurie was a tough cookie, she’d be fine…

Laurie threw the door open a few minutes later, looking flushed as she kicked it shut behind her. “Un-fucking-believable!” She spat, stomping over towards me and flopping down beside me on the couch.

“Umm… sorry?” I asked slowly, resting back beside her, unsure of what to do.

She shook her head, holding the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. “Just give me a minute.” She said quietly, before taking a few deep breaths.
“That slut. That complete, crazy, psychotic, stalker, slut.” She mumbled, dropping her hand and looking up at me.

Crazy. Psychotic. Slut. There was nothing strange there; throw in bitch, cunt and whore, and you basically have the most commonly used words, when it came to a girl talking trash another girl.
Except stalker, that didn’t fit right. “Stalker?” I asked slowly, wondering what she was talking about.

“She planned the whole thing Pat, she knew everything. She knew we were sleeping together… she doesn’t give a shit. She’s crazy, she just wanted you. She moved her, because she wanted you.”

“What are you talking about-” I started to ask, but Laurie cut me off, sitting up and grabbing my face in her hands.

“She came to Chicago because she’s delusional, Pat. She hung out in that bar, hoping that you’d show up so that she could meet you. That’s why she moved in so fast, that’s why she was so accepting of everything. The girl is completely bat-shit crazy.” She finished matter-o-factly, gazing at me intently.

“But… I… I… what?” I sputtered unable to form a coherent thought as he words rumbled around my head. “How do you know all this?” I managed to choke out.

She sighed audibly, dropping her hold on my face and leaning back. “I was walking by your door and I heard her talking to someone, on the phone. What she said isn’t that important but… I had to say something.
I always had a bad feeling about her and just hearing her say sketchy things pushed me over the edge.
I threw the door open, cornered her, and she spilled. Not spilled as in ‘I’m really scared I should talk now…’ but like, ‘I’m crazy and don’t realize it’.” She shook her head, staring off into space; reliving the experience in her mind. “She kept telling me that I was just a random fuck, that you guys were ’meant’ to be together… soul-mates, eternal lovers… and all this weird shit…”

I exhaled loudly and flopped back down, leaning my head against the back of the couch and trying to figure things out. “She had pictures of me all over the walls of her room…” I said slowly, remembering the other day when I had been at her house for the first time.
I tried - fruitlessly - to remember something else. Something else that would give me the answers I needed. I didn’t doubt Laurie. She had no reason to lie to me, no reason to make something up; plus I trusted her more than anyone. Even more than Tazer, or Burish, or Sharpie.
I believed her, I believed that was she was telling me was real, what I couldn’t begin to fathom was how I hadn’t seen it.

I stood in front of the apartment building, Laurie’s hand clutched tightly in my own. With my other hand I held up the ice-pack that had been given to me by the paramedic.
I adverted my eyes away from the sight before me, glancing down at my shoes as I heard Alyssa repeatedly call my name. “Patrick… Patrick baby… don’t do this. I’m sorry baby! I’m sorry, I can make it better… just don’t do this… you’re gonna regret it baby…” She let out a frustrated scream as the police officer pushed her into the back of the patrol car. Slamming the door shut and muffling her cry.
I exhaled loudly, tilting my head to the side as the car drove away.

Laurie and I stood silent for a long time, watching the hustle and bustle die down around us. “You ok?” She asked slowly, not letting go of my hand as she moved to stand in front of me.
She pulled on my free hand until I allowed her to remove it from my face. I watched her reaction carefully as she bit her lip. “Well, at least you look like a real hockey player now…” She sighed, gently tracing her finger along the swollen, bloody half of my face.

I cringed slightly as she stroked the tender skin; mildly impressed with how much damage a tiny girl could do with anger and a barbeque prong.
I hadn’t expected that at all.

When I went back to my apartment to try and figure things out; Alyssa jumped on me like a banshee out of hell.
I wasn’t even aware that Laurie had called the police until officers were forcefully removing Alyssa off of me.

I liked to think I was taking the gentleman approach - not fighting back - but part of my subconscious was wondering if she still would have been able to kick my ass. “Patrick… are you sure you don’t want me to take you to the hospital?”

“No… EMT said I’d be fine here… besides, I don’t want any more attention on this then there will be. First the cab thing… then getting beaten up by a girl…” I sighed, shaking my head. “Do I have a sign above my head or something?”

“Just a small one…” Laurie giggled, grabbing onto my arm and pulling me into the apartment behind her. “How about I make pizza?”

I nodded mutely as I allowed Laurie to drag me up the stairs. Following her down the hall, without a backwards glance at my door.


  1. "But I never said I was a man..."

    “Well, at least you look like a real hockey player now…”

    "mildly impressed with how much damage a tiny girl could do with anger and a barbeque prong"

    "but part of my subconscious was wondering if she still would have been able to kick my ass."
    ^^Do I even need to say how AWESOME these quotes are? I literally busted out a crazy laugh at each one. HI LAR I OUS.

    And I just wanna say... I KNEW IT! I knew she was a stalker! What a crazy bitch, and I'm glad she's out of the way. I like Laurie so much better. She's down-to-earth and so much fun. She's so cool, I wish she was my friend.

    And good old Wyatt :)

  2. Ding dong the bitch is gone!


    haha your bench part made me think of Brad Paisley's waiting on a woman! I think I'll go watch that video now.

    Sigh.. so good.

  3. I like Laurie! : )
    So glad you updated!

  4. this is sooooooo good! please update!

  5. Please continue this story, PLEASEEEE!